Part 2

I am finally back from Ukraine where I have had a very important and useful stay. I have had many seminars and a lot of counselling and I got new friends and developed an even deeper relationship with those I had before.

What is Christianity? For me it is not a religion, but a relationship. When sin entered the world through Adam and Eve, the close relationship between God and man was broken. God hates sin and He cannot have an intimate relationship with sinners. He loves them, but hates sin. He did talk to a few like Abraham and Moses, but a close relationship was not built before He sent His Son to be a sacrifice for the sin of the whole world. Today I have a relationship with God, the Father, Jesus, my Savior and The Holy Spirit, my Helper. He is the One here on earth right now. I talk to them as they should be my friends. I do not hide anything and I must often ask for help. I do want to hear what they want to tell me through the Word, but also through direct speech and revelation. Do I see them? Do I hear them? I have met people who have seen Jesus, but I haven’t. They talk to me through an inner voice, through the Word and through thoughts and pictures. I have talked to many who think that God is far away, but He really wants a close relationship. Some people keep God in a distance because they had a father who wasn’t there for them or they were afraid of him. Others have wrong pictures of God. They might see Him as a very strict judge, just looking for a reason to punish them.

God is good and you can come to Him at any time without an appointment.

If you are a Christian and do not have that intimate relationship with God, human relationships might become very important and men might even become idols. Everything that is more important than God is actually an idol. That might be men. the car, the mobile, your house and your family, alcohol etc.

How do we build relationships? We must first and foremost become acquainted with the person. That might happen quickly in some cases. Sometimes it takes a long time. I recently experienced in Ukraine that people felt they had known me all their lives. We knew each other in the spirit. We prayed together and talked about things that were important to us. We had no need to hide anything for each other since we felt secure in each other’s company. This happened with only a few people. I love this kind of relationships. I might have known some people for some time, but we have only a superficial relationship since they do not want to talk about difficult things or they want to hide things. Others are insecure and keep people on a distance. In counselling I am allowed to come behind the walls and I have many valuable talks. Counselling is not a friendship relation even if I have ministered and prayed for friends. We are supposed to use our gifts everywhere.

In order to build a relationship, the other person must understand that we care for them. They are valuable in our eyes and we do want to be together with them. In the beginning of a relationship we might show interest in what is important to the other person more than our own. We must be willing to listen in order to get to know somebody. If the other person isn’t interested in me and what is important to me, it doesn’t look like this will become a deep friendship. I believe that friendship is a relationship of giving and taking.

We have many kind of relationships and on many different levels. We might start with mother/child relationship. In healthy mother/child relationships love is built into the child while she or he is her womb. She talks to the child, maybe sings to it and is watching the development carefully and can hardly wait till the day she will see it him or her face to face. Is it normal? Who does it look like? The questions are many. The baby has gotten food from the inside of her body. Now the baby might be fed from the milk in her breasts. It’s obvious that this relationship is a close one. The mother needs later to help the child to be independent. She must also be careful, remembering that the child also needs a close relationship to the father. I have recently had counselling with women describing unhealthy relationships between mother and son. These mothers wanted to rule her son even after marriage and her daughter-in-law as well. Another problem was negative ties between mother and daughters. The mothers would speak negatively to their daughters without any encouragement. The young women found themselves doing the same to their daughters and many of them wanted help to stop that. The goal of parents should be to develop their daughters to be godly women and their sons to be godly men taking their responsibility and keeping to their wife. Both The Old and The New Testament says that the man should leave his mother and father and keep to his wife. I do not believe that he shouldn’t have any contact with them, but he should build his own family together with his wife and not being ruled by his mother. I have seen and heard about a lot of unhealthy relationships in quite a few countries.

What kind of relationship does a wife and her husband have? Why do we see so many divorces? I seriously believe that way too many get divorced today. Divorce has become an easy solution for both Christians as well as the unbeliever. In many cases it could be a lack of communication causing misunderstanding. You should always be sure that the person you talk to have understood what you have said and not interpreted it differently. When you talk about something that is difficult, try to avoid using accusations. It’s much better to say: “I feel hurt when you say or do these things.” You take responsibility for your own reactions then and do not accuse the other. You might even say that you could have misinterpreted, but do not leave your feelings before the other person says that it wasn’t meant the way you have felt. When you are married, it is important to know what is important to your spouse and to yourself. We are often talking about “love languages”. Time together might be very important to one while gifts or encouraging words are important to another. Others value physical contact the most. If you do not talk about this, none of you might be satisfied. Your husband might be good in buying flowers to you, but that’s not what you want and he doesn’t understand why you do not get very happy. You might want to sit and talk or do something together. I think that quite a few things should be discussed before you get married. The Bible is clear when it comes to marry an unbeliever. It says that you should not be unevenly yoked. One should talk about where to live, how many children, what kind of church to go to. Should she work or be home with the children? What kind of calling do you have as a Christian? If you are called to be a missionary abroad, you cannot marry one who does not want to move. Falling in love might make you blind and it’s therefore necessary to talk about the things that could create great conflicts later. I recommend Christians to read the Bible and pray together before marriage. I have heard many examples where one part says: “We will do that later”, but later never comes. The spiritual must function and Jesus should be the Lord in every Christian marriage. You must together make Him the first priority. I will continue to write about building relationships.


Mother Else