Part 2

What do you do when some close relative or friend dies or get into a bad accident? What do you do when somebody close to you get divorced?

I have been divorced for more than twenty years, I can say that I have never been so alone as when that happened. I sat there without any income. I had to take care of my two daughters plus a foster son. I will not go into all the emotional problems I had. Some family members refused to have any contact with me and others treated me like a leper. I had not asked for a divorce, but that didn.t seem to matter. I must have made a mistake since my husband left me and the children. Some withdrew from me in condemnation and others found it difficult to talk about. Divorce can become like a funeral without flowers. I would have liked that people could have come and asked what they could do for me. “I do not want to take part”, some would say. I do not want anybody to go against my husband, but it would have been so nice if somebody would have been there with these words: “I understand that you go through a very difficult time now. What can I do for you? Do you have enough money? I can help you till things get settled. Do you want to be alone or do you want me to stay here with you?” You can come with some of the same questions when a  relative or friend has lost somebody close. Some friends do not know what to say and they say and do nothing. That is the worst you can do. It is much better that you are open about your insecurity and say: “I really do not know what to say, but I want to be here for you and please tell me how I can be of any help.”

When people are in shock or deep grief, they will react differently and there isn’t a recipe. We must therefore be sensitive and ask The Holy Spirit for guidance. Some people have a need for talking a lot and they might go over the difficulties again and again. Others avoid talking about it.

To offer help and support is never wrong.

Another difficult theme is suicide. The people close to the victim is often going through a time of guilt and shame and might have many question marks. “Why didn’t I see the signs? Could I have done more?” Most of the questions do not have an answer. We need to help the person to forgive both themselves and the person committing suicide. They also need help to go on in life without belittling the grief. You can talk about The Comforter, Jesus Christ.

Bullying is a theme that is difficult to talk about for the victim. They might be afraid of reprisals. Others feel guilty or shameful. My advice to every victim of bullying is: Tell somebody about it. That can save your life. Bullying should not be accepted by anybody. It is written in Titus 2:15 that we should not accept to be despised. A low self-image may be an opening for the devil to bully you. Talk to a pastor or counsellor who can help you to see yourself through the glasses of God, in other words: Get the right picture of yourself. He has created you in a wonderful way. (Psalm 139:13+14)

Some people do not dare to tell anybody that they have been raped. They are afraid that people in general or the police will not believe them. Even if this has happened, I strongly recommend you to seek help and report it to the police. To the people getting the information: Be very attentive in listening and asking questions. Show the victim great respect and give her or him the feeling of being trusted. (Many boys are also molested)

Many young people find it difficult to talk about their looks and they find it difficult to talk about their insecurity. The devil is very good in telling lies and they think they look completely different than the real picture. This might cause problems like anorexia and bulimia.

Many Christians do not want to talk about demons. This is very strange since this was very important in the ministry of Jesus. We read in Mark 16 that there are many signs that should follow the believer. Driving out demons is the first one mentioned. Jesus gave names to several demons. I can mention spirits of infirmities, a Legion, spirits of fear. There are many more. It is said that a Christian cannot be possessed and that is correct. Our spirit is perfect, born by a perfect Father, but we can have demons in our soul and body. I experience again and again that people get a new life when they get rid of demons and get healed from old wounds. The devil wants to keep the Body of Christ bound in sickness and misery. That causes grief in the Father and in me. I am longing to see a free, clean and happy Bride. Read the Word of God and see how much this was of the ministry of Jesus.

I am sure that there are many more things that people find difficult to talk about, but I will make an end here.


Mother Else