I have written about this subject several times before and look them up and read them again. I  write a little about communication again since I have new readers and we all need to be reminded of the importance of correct communication.

Almost everything in this world has to do with communication. We Christians are not better in this than others. I would actually say that we are worse. Many working places offer courses in it and when we open a newspaper, we will find ads for different courses in communicating. I have a desire to teach this subject in churches and Christian groups. That would reduce many conflicts between church members, between couples and it would be very beneficial for the counselling work in the church.

Communication has a lot to do with words or lack of words, but it can also be about our body language. I was recently in a conversation and I sat in a deep chair. I was listening with my ears, but all of a sudden I changed position. I was sitting at the edge of the chair and I took off the shawl I had over my shirt. I got much more active and made myself ready for praying. I might also move towards the person and I will ask if I can lay hands on the person.

A lot of our conflicts start because of misunderstandings. When my daughters were children, I wanted them to ask me if they were wondering about my looks or my behavior. I might be in my own thoughts and they might ask if I was angry or irritated because of them. In most of the cases I could explain that it had nothing to do with them. I think we always should ask if we are wondering. We can read in Matthew 5:23 that if we think that somebody has something against us, we should leave the money planned for the church, and go to the person you think has something against you and get reconciled. Have you ever been to a meeting where the pastor or a leader in the church says: “Before we collect money today, you should go to a person that you think has something against you and you should be reconciled to that person. Then come back and give your gift to the church. “ I have never experienced this. What is interesting is that it says that if we believe that somebody has something against us. It isn’t even sure. We might imagine something that is not true, but we need to be sure. God doesn’t want His children to have wrong thoughts about each other.

We can continue to the next chapter in Matthew. It says in Matthew 6:14+15 that we should forgive everybody who has done something wrong against us. If we do not do that, God will not forgive us. Do you want that? I cannot afford that. We might have to forgive many times since our emotions might need some time, but we start in obedience to the Word of God.

Psychologists are saying that silence is the worst form of control. I know people that refuse to answer questions or to talk about sensitive things. They might punish one’s partner by not talking for several days, even weeks. I can assure that the atmosphere becomes very heavy and very unpleasant. I will also mention situations when married people have quarreled. When they go to bed, they turn their backs to each other. None of them wants to brake the ice. If you are sensitive, you might not be able to fall asleep. We read in Ephesians 4:26 that we should not let the sun go down over our wrath. It is therefore sinful to go to sleep without making up and forgive each other.

How do you react when you get wounded? Do you defend yourself and attack the person wounding you? The Bible is mentioning the fiery darts of the wicked one. (Ephesians 6:16) We are often throwing darts on each other. If we know each other well, we know exactly where we can do most harm. I recommend you to explain why you feel hurt and what kind of emotions you get without accusing the other part. This is what I call: I message.

Many of our reactions are caused by old experiences and many are getting wounded or angry because what is said reminds them of words from mother, father or another person in authority. I recently talked to a woman explaining the time when she was misused. When she met men looking a little similar to this man, she reacted in a negative way.

I cannot say strongly enough: Let your communication be simple and clear. When we walk like a cat around the porridge, we might open up for misunderstandings and question marks. When we talk, we should not talk about a person, but to the person. We sometimes have to share something about another person to someone else, but be sure that you have the right motive and that you pray for that person.

When you talk to children, be concrete and simple. I think this is important even to adults. Many men are saying to their wives: “Come to the point.”


Mother Else