Part 1

I believe that all of us have been in that situation once, but more likely many times. In counselling I daily listen to one story worse than the other and I sometimes wonder how people have managed to survive. Yesterday I talked to a woman in another country and she was almost killed by her own sister. I know that this is extreme, but many things are happening today that are extreme.

I will start by describing the reaction of children. If a child doesn’t receive physical contact and care as a newly born baby, she or he can become sick or in the worst case die. I usually refer to this when newly saved people are left to themselves without any care or following up. The first thing happening when a child comes out the womb of the mother, they are laid on the nude skin on the father or mother. They need physical contact. Haven’t you seen pictures of an elderly person holding the hand of a younger ones. Elderly people also need physical contact.

A small baby cannot talk, but most babies cry when something is hurting them or if they have a need. Maybe they do not want to be by themselves and they want somebody to lift them up and carry them. Other times they cry to say: I am awake now, please come. If they are hungry, they cry and the mother gives them milk.

                                        A baby reacts by crying.

When the baby gets a little older and they start to talk, the child might get different reactions then. We are often calling a three years’ old child for being in an age of obstinacy. The child wants to confirm his or her will, but they are still so small that they might not think in a rational way. I remember the time with my youngest daughter. She was always saying: “I can do it myself.” She naturally couldn’t and when she could, it took a very long time. That tested my patience. I did let her try quite a few times, but sometimes I just didn’t have the time. Then she started to cry. Other children are hitting or kicking if they do not get their will through. Some are biting themselves or others. They are still limited in their language and reacts in a physical way.

The better they develop their language, they might be able to specify their pains and be more clear about their wishes. Sometimes we get extreme reactions as when they are in a shop with things they want. They might scream very loudly and ifou get ashamed, you might give it to them. This might lead to a bad habit for the child. The will of the child should be developed, but the choices should be simple. Otherwise it might be too difficult for them to choose. They are still not ready to think in an abstract way and they cannot see consequences of their choices. You are able to do that, but how do you react when you cannot say yes to their will? Do you get angry or are you punishing them? Do you explain to them why you have to say no? Some parents are always saying: “We cannot afford that.” If this is the standard answer, the child thinks that their needs never will be met because they are poor. When my children were small, I often asked the Lord for advice. How should I answer them? I think you need to do the same.

                              The Lord is the best child-psychologist.

How do children in kindergarten react when they do not get their favorite food? Some refuse to touch it. Others start playing with it, throw it around or pushes it under the table. Those more verbale, say that they don’t like it or some might start crying. Some few children try to eat it. In kindergarten they might fight about toys and about getting attention. Children might become quite violent. Other have heard their parents quarrel and they use the same words as their parents. I think that if a child always gets what he or she wants through crying, they will develop a bad life-style. I remember a pastor saying to me when my children were small: “When you discipline your children, you teach them respect for God when they grow up.” I am not talking about abuse. That would have the opposite result. I was punished for things I hadn’t done as a child and that gave me wounds that I needed to deal with as an adult. How did I do that? I forgave my mother and I allowed the Lord to heal my wounds and come with the truth. I thank God that He has prevented me from treating my own children the same way. That is God’s grace.

How do children react to harassment? It might be from students or teachers. Some get so afraid that they do not dare to resist the wrong treatment and some do not dare to tell it to anybody. It might lead to suicide in the worst cases. In Titus 2:15 it says that we should not allow anybody to despise us. I think that children should be taught from a very early age that God watches over them and they should not allow anybody to hurt them. My own children started to pray in tongues when they felt threatened by someone stronger than themselves and they felt protected. One should never allow anybody to be harassed. Teach the children to ask for help.

I will continue with this subject next time. Maybe that will be more close to your situation.


Mother Else


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