When we make a mistake or do something stupid, we might get a bad self-image. We might also thing that others think negatively about us. This might cause pain in some people. It might create anxiety and feels like a threat. I will come with some thoughts on this theme. I say some since there is much more to be said.

Children will unwittingly make mistakes before they know what is right. How they are raised is of great importance. What are the parents saying when the child falls or pulls down the table-cloth when he is learning to walk? These are normal reactions and nothing to be angry about. Parents must eventually tell the child not to pull the table-cloth, but in the beginning the child might think it is something to hold on to. It is important that the child isn’t scolded for something that is normal to do for a small child. It is also important that the child is encouraged when he or she is making new steps in developing. I look at praise and scolding as two boxes. It is essential that the “praise-box” is full. It’s not quite right to call the other box for scolding since much of what we do is necessary information or correction. The more praise we get, the easier it is to accept the mistakes. This is a truth for people in all age groups.

A lot of true praises, creates secure and happy children.


I grew up with a mother who wasn’t mentally stable and the consequences of small mistakes were out of proportion. Sometimes I was even punished for things I hadn’t even done. That created a fear of making mistakes in me. Why do I write about raising children under this theme? I do since our reactions later in life are formed already in childhood.


The more positive confirmation we get as children, the better we are to take responsibility for our actions later in life, even our mistakes.


Why do I write about this theme? One of the reasons is that I have seen and heard so many blaming others for their own actions. It started already with Adam. He blamed Eva for eating the forbidden fruit. Eve blamed the snake, the devil. We might also easily put the blame on others, the devil or circumstances. Why do we do that? We do not like the feeling of sin, guilt or shame. We are sinning when we are disobedient to the Word of God. Sin can be confessed and 1.Jon 1:9 says then that He is faithful and just and will forgive us all our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Guilt is something that either the liar or others are putting on us. If we are carrying guilt and shame, we might not have received the cleansing blood of Jesus or we might have avoided confessing.


I seriously believe that we do not need to blame others if we confess our sins and receive forgiveness and see ourselves justified in Christ.


The devil is a liar and he tries to deceive us and make us feel condemned. He loves to remind us of old sins and throw salt in the wounds we have. We must resist him and then it will be easier to stand up for our actions, even our mistakes.

Many parents are teaching their children from very early age to blame something or somebody else. I have seen many parents hitting a table, a chair or something else when the child cries because he hit the thing and it hurts. The parent says: “Oh, the chair is bad or the table is naughty.” Most children say that it wasn’t them starting to quarrel or it wasn’t them starting to hit. In some places they are taught to take responsibility for what they have done themselves and should say: “Forgive.” They must understand what they have done first. Otherwise it has no meaning.

In the teens a girl might get pregnant. She might blame the alcohol or say that she really didn’t want sex, but was afraid of rejection. I am not talking about rape now. That’s a terrible thing. Who was drinking alcohol and who was allowing the man to have sex with her? Many boys are blaming alcohol or drugs when they are making stupid things. Who was drinking and who was taking drugs? All of us are making wrong things, but we must learn to admit that it wasn’t others, but ourselves doing it. It isn’t the mistake of the police that I was fined for driving too fast. I actually haven’t been fined, but I am willing to take the consequences if I should do so.

Many criminals, alcoholics and drug-users are blaming their parents and their childhood for their actions. That is partly true. They might not have received the love and security they should have had and those consequences might be very bad. I agree to that, but why do not everybody with a bad childhood become a criminal? One has different personalities and one has made different choices.

As adults, we must take responsibility for our choices.


Many married people are complaining about their partner. My question is: who chose him or her? I do know that one can’t know everything about one’s spouse before one get married, but I myself married very quickly, long before we really knew each other. I am not responsible for his actions, but for not taking time to get well acquainted.

When I write a little about this theme, I am well aware of the fact that there are ditches one can fall into. Some people do not take responsibility for one’s own actions while others take responsibility for one’s own as well as others. I have a friend and we tell him that he doesn’t need to take responsibility for neither the first nor the second world wars. We must have some humor.

We Christians are not only blaming others, but the devil. He is our enemy and he does hate us Christians and we are in war with him, but he is often blamed for things that are caused by ourselves. Some Christians think that they are a victim all the time. They are constantly saying that they are attacked. If they pray for somebody, they are attacked. If they are doing something good, they are attacked. I know people being afraid of laying hands on the sick and to drive out demons in fear of being attacked. I am not saying that we can’t be attacked by the devil, but Jesus won victory over him and Jesus lives in us. We must throw away this “gown of worries” and see who we are in Christ. The devil enters through openings and they might not be so big and that goes for the conscious as well the subconscious. Ask the Holy Spirit if you have such openings and ask Him, maybe together with some mature Christians to become free and healed. My book writes a lot about these things.

Many people want me to tell them what to do in different situations. I do not make choices for others. I can talk to them about different alternatives and the consequences of the different alternatives, but they must stand for their own choices. My Christian sisters and brothers must not be alone in decision-making. The Holy Spirit has promised to help us. We are also having the Word of God. If we ask for guidance, Jesus has promised to be with us every day of our life.

God will never leave us, nor forsake us. He never stops loving us. You do not need to be afraid of making mistakes. Sins should be confessed and you will be totally forgiven.




Mother Else