CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING, Part 3

CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING

Part 3

I have already mentioned quite a few negative reasons for wounds during childhood or even before because of generational curses. You might think of more reasons than those I have mentioned, but I will leave the childhood now and start writing about the teens.

What is important for a young person? It is very important to feel accepted and to feel they belong somewhere. Why do so many young people enter the wrong groups? One reason out of many others is that they haven’t found one in the church nor in the home. Both the home and the church should be places where the young people should feel included, accepted and loved. They need to be encouraged for their positive trends and behaviour but might need some loving advice to change the bad ones. A young person is very dependent on acceptance from their own peer group, but they also need some adults that can listen to them. Maybe they need a safe place where they can come with all their questions. Quite a few young people need to talk about all the changes that are taking place in their bodies, and they need to talk about sexuality without feeling ashamed. I recommend pastors and youth leaders to talk about these things with the young people.

Many Christian young people want to have sex with their sweetheart, but they know that sex should be within the borders of marriage. That might be a reason why they marry very young. That isn’t always so smart. They might not know each other very well and they have not talked with each other about everyday life. They might not have finished their own physical nor emotional development either. Who am I and what do I want with my life? I always recommend those getting married to prepare themselves before. They must not think that marriage is the solution to their own personal problems. If you have a rucksack when you get married, you will get one more when you are married. That rucksack might be heavier than your own. If you both are Christians, pray together and a seek God for help. It is not wrong to seek people you can trust for help either. Empty your own rucksack before you get married and you will be better prepared for marriage.

I have quite a few couples in counselling now. I quite often have to remind them of the fact that their partner is not their enemy. We do not fight flesh and blood. (Ephesians 6:12) It is the devil who wants to destroy the marriage. We must remember that witches are weekly praying against Christian marriages. Healthy families might build a healthy environment where crime will reduce and also the use of drugs and alcohol. Many problems in a marriage comes from lack of communication or the wrong communication. Couples have to talk together, and they must dare to talk about even the difficult things. To talk doesn’t mean to scream nor to accuse the other part all the times. That is not constructive. Sit down and listen to each other. Try to listen attentively to what the other is saying. Maybe you will become less defensive then. Did you forget that Jesus is your defender? If you have hurt each other, ask for forgiveness and forgive each other. You should ask the Lord to heal your wounds. That might sometimes take some time. If you need more help, seek that help. A third person is neutral and is not emotionally involved. When I have a couple in counselling, I always try to understand both parts. They are both suffering and The Lord wants to help them both.

I also have many singles coming to me for counselling. Many of them want to get married and some are very frustrated for the lack of a partner. The frustration might increase with age. I am especially thinking of women reaching the age of 40 who desperately want a child. Nothing is impossible for God and Sarah was over 90 when she gave birth to Isaac. I do not think that I have faith for another Sarah, but I believe that God can make a miracle. Some believe that life is without meaning if they do not get married and get children. I have seen this more with women. They might have unrealistic thoughts about marriage. I do believe that God wants His children to get married and He says in Philippians 4:19 that He will give us what our hearts desire. I believe that the devil tries to stop Christian marriages, but The Lord wants us to live an exiting life while we are waiting for a partner. Turn your eyes upon Jesus!

Some people live either in the past or worry about the future. They forget to live here and now. There are times when we have to visit the past to remove some stones blocking our road, but we are not supposed to live in the past. Painful memories might occur as ghosts from the past, but the Lord can heal painful memories, and He can help us to live today. If you worry about tomorrow or what might happen next year, you might use energy that you need for today. The Lord is saying in Matthew 6 that you should not worry about tomorrow. He is also saying that we should throw our cares on Him because He cares for us. (1.Peter 5:7) There are times when we have to make plans for the future, but we must never forget to live today. Today is a day of grace.

The last thing that I want to write about today is loneliness and old age. Our health might get worse when we get older and we cannot do as much as before. Children have probably left the home and we stop working after a certain age. What shall I do then? I seriously do not hope that your work has been the main thing in your life. It is necessary to work to get money, but it should not be everything. Do you have a family? Do you have friends? Do you attend a church? Do you have a hobby? Do you have a special purpose in life? God wants His children to be well and to enjoy life, but He also wants us to do something for others. If you do not have health to get out of the house, you can always pray and many find life meaningful by praying. You can also invite people home. If you need help, ask for it. I needed help when I broke my foot and when I temporarily lost my driver’s license. Self-pity might lead to depression. I recommend you to look for the possibilities instead of the hindrances.

JESUS IS ALWAYS WITH YOU NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES!

Mother Else